Mind Games: How To Spot Subtle Coercive Techniques
Revealing Subtle Mind Tricks and How To Detect Them
Introduction
I first learned the concept of mind games in 2012. I met this guy who told me the most bizarre tails about things that didn’t happen. He told these tales with so much conviction that I sometimes convinced myself to believe things I knew didn’t happen. It would take the whole of the relationship for me to see what I was refusing to see finally.
My beloved lover had ways of making me doubt my memory and going with his ‘wrong’ recollection of events. It was then I first learned the word, ‘gas-lighting’ but the idea was too familiar for me to take it seriously.
As a little girl, Mother would sometimes tell me that I didn’t remember things correctly only to make me doubt my memories and go with her ‘wrong’ recollection of events.’
How is this harmful?
I will get to this harmful bit later.
First, let’s understand what Mind Games are but don’t let the word ‘games’ fool your mind. Mind games are anything but games.
What Are Mind Games?
Mind Games are psychological tactics used to manipulate or intimidate.
The realm of mind games demands our attention because we are being influenced all the time and sometimes by people with sinister intentions.
Understanding how to spot subtle coercive techniques is not just a skill; it’s a shield against manipulation.
In this post, I will share some of the things I am learning about the psychology of mind games, identify some common coercive techniques, and equip you with the tools to guard against them.
The Psychology Of Mind Games
The psychology of mind games involves understanding how individuals manipulate thoughts, emotions, and behaviours to achieve a desired outcome.
Many months ago I met a woman who was fascinated with mind games. She would often ask me, ‘What mind games are you playing, Ese?’ I’d usually laugh it off until we got into an argument one day and she spewed a lot of words accusing me of playing mind games with her.
She was in a position of authority over me so I easily took her word as fact. I started checking myself to figure out my mind games. I trusted the word of this authority so much that I started looking out for where I was playing mind games even though my intentions and actions were not about mind games.
The Milgram Experiment
In the 1960s, psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted a series of experiments on obedience. Participants, acting as “teachers,” were instructed to administer increasingly severe electric shocks to “learners.” Despite the learners’ apparent distress, many participants continued the shocks, proving the power of authority in influencing behaviour.
Authority figures can wield significant influence over individuals. I know from my man-worship of my religious leaders many years ago and also from adopting the teacher’s view that I was playing mind games, as my own.
It would take a while but I would later figure out that this teacher was playing mind games all the time and naturally suspected everyone else was doing the same.
How are mind games harmful?
Think about this one for yourself.
Question — How safe will you feel if you can’t trust your memory?
Understanding Subtle Coercive Techniques
Subtle coercive techniques are unassuming manipulative tactics designed to influence thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
It took 12 years for me to understand the subtle coercive techniques I was subject to as a volunteer worker in religious organizations. These techniques often operate below the radar, making them almost impossible to detect.
Coercive techniques undermine an individual’s sense of self, autonomy, and reality.
Common Subtle Coercive Techniques
Gaslighting and Manipulation of Perception — Mind games often begin by manipulating how individuals perceive situations, information, or others. By shaping perceptions, manipulators can influence beliefs and attitudes. In a relationship, it might manifest as a partner denying past events or making the victim question their sanity.
On a date with my boyfriend, he said he knew the waitress from a long time ago. Later on that week, he denied telling me he knew her. I remember wondering why I hadn’t recorded the conversation. I eventually started recording his conversations to let myself know the truth when he insisted on retelling how things went.
Emotional Manipulation:
Emotional manipulation exploits emotions to control and influence people. It can involve creating guilt, fear, or dependency to gain compliance. A manipulative colleague might prey on another’s insecurities or fears to gain an advantage.
Undermining Confidence and Autonomy: Covert techniques aim to erode an individual’s confidence and autonomy. This can involve subtle criticism, gaslighting, or creating self-doubt to make the person more open to influence.
Use of Power Dynamics: Mind games often leverage power dynamics, where one individual seeks to assert dominance or control over another. This can occur in personal relationships, workplaces, or larger societal structures.
Guarding Against Mind Games
Develop Critical Thinking Skills — Despite how I feel about all the ‘wasted’ years I spent in University studying Law only to dump it for writing and yoga, I am always thankful I learned logic and critical thinking skills early on.
Critical thinking is your superpower against manipulation.
Learn to question all information, consider different perspectives, and don’t be afraid to challenge narratives. Critical Thinking skills empower you to discern between genuine interactions and subtle coercion.
Try this: Whenever you encounter new information, take a moment and ask yourself: What is the source? What evidence supports this? How does it align with my values?
I always suggest journaling your thoughts as often as you can. In writing, something about expressing your inner thoughts and feelings straightens them out in your mind. Or at least put them down for your eyes to see.
Set Boundaries — Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to safeguard against manipulation. Be clear about your limits, communicate them assertively or at least, clearly, and prioritize your well-being.
Try this: Practice saying ‘no’ when you want to say no. Even when it feels hard and painful in your gut, allow yourself to feel the pain and make saying no a new practice. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding.
Educational Initiatives and Spreading The Word — In a world filled with all types of minds. Safeguarding yourself against mind games and subtle coercive techniques is a superpower. Keep learning about your mind and brain and how it works to guide you through life. Learn also about others. Watch and question everything.
Creating spaces for open dialogue is crucial in creating a culture where manipulation is challenged and exposed — first in yourself and then in others.
Read Robert Greene’s Laws of Human Nature to learn more about human-ing.
Conclusion
By understanding mind games, recognizing common coercive techniques, and practicing new and uncomfortable strategies, you fortify yourself against manipulation. This is about protecting yourself and creating a culture where autonomy, critical thinking, and healthy relationships thrive.
Stay vigilant, stay informed, and let the power of awareness guide your interactions. You have the tools; now, use them to navigate the intricate dance of the mind space.
Start and encourage conversations about healthy relationships, power dynamics, and emotional well-being.
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